Everybody has his/her opinion. Good or bad. Everybody has the right to express themselves. Good or bad. Now ask yourself, if all you do is express what you don’t like, how much will that help improve your case?

Everywhere I go they have discussions in corners at parties, at the bar, at offices. Opinions are crushed and shattered without the slightest consideration that they both might be right. (Or wrong, who knows) The more they drink, the more they talk. The more they judge. Discussions get heated. “Hear my opinion.” “Believe my believes.” The internet didn’t make it easier (actually it did, it made it too easy. Hence my blog…) It gave everybody a platform to express themselves. A chance to offend one another. A method to force an opinion down every throat that passes by. We now have the chance to reach tens, hundreds or either millions of people if we play our cards right. Social media we call it. Social media has its dark corners and have shown an unsocial media/society when it comes to different opinions. Religious vs. atheist, politics, traditional and progressive thinkers. It’s almost a constant battle field. Even breast-feeding moms flopping them all out against some easy offended bystander. And everybody asks the same question:

“Where has the world come to?”

It is nothing new, it’s just more in our face. Learn our history, we used to tear people in four parts for having different skin colors, burn women for playing with herbs. We crucified people who supported different believes. We stoned the “sexual confused” and took the last dignity away from people confused by love. Nothing has changed other than the level where the game is being played upon. People still judge, others still don’t want to be judged and both are happening 24 hours a day straight up in your face now a days. While some liberate themselves from public shame and society’s pressure I decided to do the same. Just in a different way…

It took one day, just one moment on that one day to be precise. And I said “ENOUGH!”

I just decided I am not going to be part of this any more. Society seems to prefer negativity over positivism and  I am not going to be steered in society’s direction anymore. Your, nor mine, opinion is that much of a matter. You are allowed to believe or think whatever you want. I will believe whatever I want! I am mine!

There I was lying in my hospital bed. Paralyzed. Hope was hanging by a thin thread. All I had was the little strength I had left in my head. Just that tat bit of passion for life kept me on an unknown heading. There was this one visitor that just came at the wrong time with the wrong words that made me snap. Disbelieve and believe hit me at the same time. (How dare you be negative at my bed. About my life. About my future. Even if I’m going to be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life). STOP!

To be able to fight myself through whatever I needed to get through, I needed to believe in myself. I needed my strength, my faith, my hope and every single drop of “me” that I had left in me. Not more doubts, not more worries, GOD’s or angels or saints. I needed me. I can still feel the anger when I snapped, lying there while others told me they were scared, they were worried. Instead of dealing with fears, I needed to deal in hopes. I needed to deal in smiles. So I decided I had to change.

Rehabilitation wasn’t one step, it was a process. A mental strength camp. I quickly realized that the only way for me to get anywhere was to see what I had, not what I lost. To see the positive and not focus on the negative. If I wasn’t dead, I needed to live. It is so easy to write it but it was more difficult than just that. Every time visitors came and went I learned a lesson, what I read in their eyes was what I needed to hold on to. I wasn’t going to let anybody leave thinking I would quit. If I wanted to live, I had to see in their eyes that they believed I could live. I approached negativity with positivism and imagesaw my world change in front of me.

I have made it my trademark along the way. It’s not easy nor does it come naturally to me. Some days the pain really eats me from the inside out. It’s only positivism that keeps me from falling apart or lose hope. There is no remedy. There is no answer. There is just me, my strength, my hope.

Many times I’ve been asked:
“How do you do it?”

Almost every day I’ve asked myself that same question “How do I do it?”

Today I finally answered myself:

“Because I choose to!”

 

Music of choice: Pearl JamI am mine

The selfish, they’re all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

The North is to South what the clock is to time
There’s east and there’s west and there’s everywhere life
I know I was born and I know that I’ll die
The in between is mine
I am mine

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