(Re)Creator of life | Rebel by cause


September 2015



How much have I craved that freedom. That word drenched my lips like a juicy steak dripping when you sink your teeth into that meat. So crucial to emancipate yourself, so desperate have I fought to regain it again.

How would life be if you couldn’t get to the place you belong? What if you’re stuck where you’re at now, for days on end? Or even worse, you don’t know how long you are going to be tied to a future with barely a view?

Lying in my hospital room I dreamed and craved for running. I was never a runner and there and then that I couldn’t walk, I desired to run. It was a recurring dream that (maybe) moved me to move my toe. I literally saw myself running before the first “magic” happened. I remember well how I was dozing off and dreaming of running freely when I suddenly moved my big toe (it’s the big one on the left of your right feet). I couldn’t believe what I just did, so I did it again. And again. And again and again and again. Every moment of every day since, I wiggled my toes believing that if I could feel what I was feeling with those sensations, I could feel more. I could do more. I started envisioning myself hiking with my 40 lbs backpack. Again a reoccurring (day) dream. It wasn’t a wish, it was an indigestible desire.

A couple of nights later I woke again from this dream that I was running. I couldn’t see where nor can I tell how far. It was unreal. I woke up from this realistic dream, I thought I was running but II was lying in bed and just merely lifting my knee. As I realized I was actually awake and not running but lifting my knee from my hospital bed (at 4 in the morning). I got excited, threw the covers off me and watched in awe how my knee was moving at my will after being paralyzed for a month. I wanted to call the nurse, my mom, my friends. I wanted to try to stand, but I soon realized, this was just a small step on a long road and running was not an option (yet) but my dream to walk was more than alive.

Running changed to hiking and climbing my favorite hills (we call them mountains here). With every bit of progress I kept repeating to myself just one more step. It didn’t matter if I was with my physical therapist or training by myself, I kept seeing that mental shot of me running but now hiking up a mountain (yes, hill…)

During a trial walk a month ago (I’ve rehabilitated now for 3 years and 4 months, but who’s counting) I wanted to take a hike for 30 minutes. Instead I ended up dragging my feet after an hour and a half, my tongue dried out, my head exploding and every nerve in my body screaming me to please stop.

So when my Body Stress Release therapist Bjorn asked me if I was interested in climbing a mountain (yes, hill, we know…) I loiked up to him in surprise. He had just squeezed and twisted my skin, muscles and nerves so hard, he finally got me crying after 4 sessions. Almost in shock I looked at him; “Hell. Why not? It can’t get any worse.” (Physical therapists are the worst!)

Mobility is one of our precious gifts.

If it is walking, crawling,  or riding your walking chair as a baby. Maybe finally cruising down the road on your custom bike or your first beat-up car, remember the days that it wasn’t so ordinary. Recognize a blessing or a gift for what it is. Legs, wheels or any means, to be independent, to do as you choose and above all…

to stand as a Pirate in this world.

Music of Choice: Enigma – Return to innocence

Don’t be afraid to be weak Don’t be too proud to be strong Just look into your heart my friend That will be the return to yourself

On top of the Ronde Klip Mountain (Yes, yes, hill...)
On top of the Ronde Klip Mountain (Yes, yes, hill…)

What’s to come (A Pirate’s preview)

I wonder why I feel the need to write and bother you all (y’all, for my “other” friends) with my posts. But here I am still typing and pushing my words on all these social media outlets while smiling in your faces. I know I’m bare naked in a world that tries to cover everybody up. Everybody screams “individuality” but we are all looking for a place to belong.

I thought it would be nice to reflect this time. To explain what’s coming. To sneak peek the plans for the future, to uncover myself yet again. Although these are conversations with myself that I sort of share, I get a lot responses of people who apparently appreciate my weirdness (really?) So let’s throw a look over our shoulders and rub our glass ball.

Looking back:
The last three (make it five) months were crazy (and I should write that in capitals). So much has happened and so much more has been planned. Beginning my blog was to find myself (read: Keep myself) while being in all this turmoil. Writing has always been a nice way to soothe my thousand thoughts and keep to my storyline. And again it has helped wonderfully. It helped me maintain balance. I did it way before I posted it publicly and I  let a soul or two take a peek. However, when your friends live all over the globe, these media platforms make it easier to share your stories. It also got me to interact with people who I normally wouldn’t see because of busy schedules and very long distances. “Blog it, blog it!” They said. Meanwhile, I saw doors open because people were interested in what happened during my “resurrection” and that in turn opened doors for others, or at least gives me the opportunity to open doors for them in the future. And that is how we got here.

So that brings us to the future. What to expect:
Having expectations is a dangerous thing. They create assumptions. and bad assumptions kill good intentions. (You can quote me one that one). I plan to publish a couple of blogs about what really happened during our accident and the aftermath. How I found myself in all that rubble and build up a new existence. The meaning of The Recycled Pirate and how I see the development of us as a society.

For the near future however I plan to keep writing between the build up of my business(es)(Buccaneer’s Enterprises BV, 2ndLife Curaçao and The Recycled Pirate). I will explain why three and not just one (I’m not greedy). What and how I plan to accomplish the goals and high standards I set for myself and my endeavors. Meanwhile I’ll still keep rehabilitating and work on my pain management. I’ll keep creating awareness for living (and sport) with disabilities, our environment and being crafty with waste management and most of all life awareness. It sounds so out of the world “life awareness” but I had the time to observe and learn as I chose my part to play in this life.

It is and will stay weird: these adjustments made in what supposed to be my life and what I chose it to be. Now it seems like I’m living the life of an other person. I know some have 2nd thoughts about my “big change”, but your thoughts are not mine.

So there you have it, I’m documenting all of this to show the weird and beautiful turns of life. The acceptation progress and an outreach to show we are not as alone as it seems. Is it worth writing all this? Reading all this?

You decide! I’m just human and I’m trying to bring back humanity in a self-observing way. I just want to show how we human and push it all in our face.

Do you want a better future?

Be honest. Clean up mistakes. One by one. And rebuild your castle. Brick by brick.


Music of choice: Nathan and Eva Leach – Hero (Family of the Year cover)

Let me go

I don’t wanna be your hero

I don’t wanna be a big man

Just wanna fight like everyone else

Your masquerade

I don’t wanna be a part of your parade

Everyone deserves a chance to

Walk with everyone else

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