I wish we could love.
We as humans. Friends. Lovers. Parents. Maybe even strangers (maybe that’s just a bit too much too ask.) But I love love. I love to love. I love to receive love. And most of all, I love to see someone feeling loved.
I’m in love with the purity of giving myself to benefit someone else. It is the weirdest thing to do, so it seems, in this society. Yet, it brings me such pleasure to see another human grow because of what I have to offer. Or us to each other. The relationship doesn’t really matter, just the safety we have to offer to each other.
It’s a matter of give and take but what if it was just a given? That you would look at each other and the love would just ooze out and embrace each other’s hearts. That every insecurity and doubt was touched and taken care of? Whether it’s a friend or a lover. Just surrender to each other and know you are protected? That anger or despair would be set aside for comfort knowing someone’s got your back.
I’m a hopeless romantic. Even as a regular friend. I have always been in love. With a person, a song, a trait or just words. I loved words. I’m a sponge. I wrote poetry for many years just to love the paper or the people I saw passing through my writings. I would look at waiters or waitresses and lose myself in daydreams about waking in their proximity and make them coffee. A croissant, with some butter and fresh melted cheese. To create a smile and comfort for them for a change. Make them feel so loved that the next person they served, was served with a smile, initiated by me.
I have seen friends share grief and disbelief. Family members saying goodbye to a loved one. I have watched lovers make out from behind the bar. I treated them on an extra drink just to keep them deeper in the quiet nights, during the week. I’d gasp, pouring a fresh tap beer and seeing them kiss or simply gently touch. I have felt it from a distance and hoped I could one day feel what they felt. Or better yet, share that feeling with someone else.
And I so did had my fair share of romance and the comfort of passionate friendships. In trains and stations saying goodbyes. In grass fields under the summer sky, behind a church in a small village in the cold of winter. Warming up on the dance floor during the first cold of autumn and at bars in different countries with different languages. Under showers and even better, during heavy spring rainfall dancing the night away. Soaked, as our lips kissed. I had all my wishes become reality as if I willed them to be real instead of just fantasies.
Yet, still I crave for that love…
To hold and to be held. To kiss and be kissed. To make her, them, feel safe and understood. To give my heart and have it handed back to me. That it was ok and I was safe too.
“I see you.
You are beautiful. To me. For me.
You are everything that should be seen
by this world full of make believe.
You are real. You are loved. You are safe.”
Featured Image by Aspyn Ovard
I tried to repress it
Then I carried its crown
I reached out to undress it
And love let me down
Love let me down…
So I tried to erase it
But the ink bled right through
Almost drove myself crazy
When these words led to you