I am no saint, nor a hero. I’m far from perfect actually and I’m not afraid to confront myself.
The candles that melted, smoke that lingered and the wine that has accompanied the adolescents didn't bring much good. They were a whirlwind of emotions that I never understood. Why, was I thinking this? Why, was I feeling so much? Why, was I the only one?
“You got this!” I enforced on myself as I rammed my cain almost through the pavement waiting for the car to pass and I could cross the road of freedom.
With all this in mind, it hurts. I'm hurting. I feel I failed. I feel I've lost a some parts that I could have won. I know these are "just" human doubts, but still, let me share my thoughts.
Nobody can offend me, hurt me or touch me unless I let it happen. Nobody can make me happy, create a smile or make a success of my day unless I make or let it happen. I'm in balance to accept the bad and rule the good.
You don't recover from a spinal cord injury. I don't, apparently. No worries, I know I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to not sit in a wheelchair. And most off all, I am lucky that I know how to deal with physical limitations. How to accept a lesser day and not let my mind control my thoughts Some day you wake up and you feel: "NOT TODAY!"
The first question that arises "Is today going to be OK, or are you going to be in pain?" It is easier than to learn what you are about to speak, to chose the pain. It's too convenient to spit words out "I'm not OK." So I speak from what I know and learn from what I'm about to share. It's a fear and anxiety to be naked right in front of you. Still, with every post I recycle my words as I've done with my life. My lessons are a lesson to myself and I give you a look in how I fight. I can be OK, if I choose so...